pressuring myself just to feel something

why am i trying to create a website again and this time from scratch when i barely finished the first chapter of studying programming or coding for that matter

i hope my anxiety is as fleeting as my thoughts, but maybe again it is that's why it's almost always there in different forms in different seconds, always growing, gone and back, vanishing and slamming

sangyifan…

i just a had dream where i was buying stuff for my kitten. i finally have a cat. me. the cat, however, was nowhere in that dream.

you know what's interesting? if i actually get myself checked

the first frost isn’t over yet, but i saw the episode schedule for this week and we’re about to hit about 28 episodes already and i think i’m on the verge of having withdrawals, of course, as early as we speak

how do i find the same will to live antagonists seem to have so much in books and films

my hyper fixation on listography is at least making me stay away from twitter or any other social media platform alike. i knew my hyper fixations is almost always there, never gone and only stays dormant from time to time, but with listography i never really knew if since 2015—it would ever come back as strong as today if not more. i came back every year, but after the pandemic i’ve almost forgotten about it… but lo and behold, i’m back ☻

哎呀

you drew stars around my scars... i still can't get over this moment in the first frost, ep. 11—when sang yan drew wings on yifan's bruise. they have officially roman empired like no one else. god forbid i have a normal relationship with my interests.

i often wonder what scent i make to my dog whenever i'm feeling extremely anxious

i promise not to rant here though, i rather see my angry words somewhere else like on a sheet of paper that i'll never see again

i have been thinking where else i should write my the first frost brainrot. i could simply write it in my episode reviews cos i naturally yap there and whatnot, but what about the times i'm not logging in an episode? what about the other seconds that i'm just brain rotting on this? i thought of writing them here once last night, but i thought i could either ruin the vibe of my page or post a little too much. then again, who am i trying to please?

"what are you fasting on during lent this year?" my anxiety hopefully

hate it when i see or hear anyone say “this is not you” towards anyone because maybe the person they know of is her just as much as the person that they don’t

i wonder if in 5 years, i'd find interest in any sort of romantic relationship.